So old...

[Sodom]

Child's Play, wherin Electonic Gaming Monthly takes a bunch of 10-12 year-olds and makes them play the games we played growing up.

As a side note, are kids now smarter than we were at that age? One of the kids makes a joke about Zeus and the Acropolis, ffs.

Though now that I think about it, when I was in elementary school, I was pretty big into greek mythology and would have gotten that joke. I wouldn't have been sarcastic and self-aware enough to make the joke, but I digress.

[Amberryl]

[E.T. falls into a pit]

Tim: What just happened?

John: Ah, you're trapped forever!

Brian: This is sad.

Tim: Why did my head just get farther away? I can't get out.

Kirk: Maybe you should try to go over those dark green things.

Tim: I'm trying. I don't know how.

John: He's using his E.T. powers! What does this have to do with the movie? I don't remember the parts where E.T. falls into pits and makes his neck longer….

Kirk: Quit falling into the stupid pit, you piece of s***!

Tim: Can I stop now?

Brian: This controller's crap; you need to sit on top of the TV to play.

[An icon appears in the pit]

John: Yay! You got a…thing.

EGM: What did you get?

John: A backwards C?

Brian: Reese's Pieces? Am I in a different pit this time?

[Ten minutes later, Brian escapes the pit]

Tim: Whoa, someone has you!

John: It's a lady.

Tim: No it's not. Her hair is E.T.

Sheldon: No! No! Not E.T.! Kill! Kill! Kill E.T.! Glock E.T.!

John: This game is so confusing.

Kirk: No wonder it's the worst ever.

Brian: A flower grew!

Kirk: Piss on it.

Tim: Oh look—it's a dork!

[Points to Elliott on the screen]

John: He put himself inside your body. He bestowed his life force upon you.

Tim: [Points to lava lamp on TV stand] That thing's more interesting.

John: Yeah, let's watch the lamp. It's more fun and less predictable.

Tim: E.T. is unpredictable: You never know when you'll fall into a pit or when a kid is gonna enter your body…I mean use your skin as his own.

Nico: Didn't they bury this game in Mexico or something?

Gordon: Is that a woman?

Becky: It's Zeus. He's taking you away to the Acropolis.

Andrew: The point of E.T. is to see how bad they can piss you off...

Nico: …before you turn it off.

Becky: Maybe another movie company that didn't want you to like E.T. made this game.

Andrew: Yeah, it was some sort of corporate sabotage.

Sheldon: Hurry, make him die!

Gordon: Please.

[E.T. finally dies—general clapping and hurrahs]

Andrew: Eeeeeteeeee phone home.

[Axecleaver]

lol, this is comic gold. Kirk sounds pretty angry.

My favorites

(Pong)
Tim: My line is so beating the heck out of your stupid line. Fear my pink line. You have no chance. I am the undisputed lord of virtual tennis. [Misses ball] Whoops.

(Space Invaders)
Kirk: I'm sure everyone who made this game is dead by now.